I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
