So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
