Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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