Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
