On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
