Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
