The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
