would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
