STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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