We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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