Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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