so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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