I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
