i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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