We're like a lot better than the average bears
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
