Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
