whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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