His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
