Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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