..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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