none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I pour the whiskey from now on
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
