Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
