were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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