I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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