i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
