The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
