you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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