yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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