thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Found the puke drawer
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
