At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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