It's Friday. Sex?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
