I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
