im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
