just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
