If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
