Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
