Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
