The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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