I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
