I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And then he peed in my hair
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