guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
