he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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