he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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