Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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