I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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