Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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