i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
