I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
