Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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