He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
