And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
