no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
