forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
