My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
