a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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