Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
