Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
