This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
