What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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