You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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