pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
