Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
