So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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